Won't you tell me your name?

Things I do not have:

Long hair
A flat iron
A tan
Fake nails
Ed Hardy anything
Spare money
A sports car
A boyfriend with a sports car
A real job
Bronzer

Things I do have:

A job(ish)
Good friends
Solid family
Sense of self
Spell check
Ambition (for better or worse)
A clean room
A (relatively) clear mind

Things I want:

More money
Spare time
.
.
.
That's about it really. I've got what I need and I love it. Peace Johnny, we're doing fine.

Thanksgiving!!

I am excited for Turkey day.
I am not excited for the 4 hour drive home.
S-U-C-K
But, home is family and food and pets and sleep.
Ah, home.
H-O-M-E

Hello, I love you

I am waiting for someone to make me feel alive again.

That's how I used to think anyway. That I'm not whole or relevant without someone breathing into me. Dust, ya' know? Do you understand what that is like? To spend your time, all your days, waiting for someone outside of your being to make you alive? You probably do. I felt that way about a boy, once upon a time. I felt that way about a God. About church, Art, (Art), friends, family, an empty page and a bottle of ink. I felt that way once.

That was not so long ago, and the road is long and winding. But. But, I need exactly me. I am who I was meant to be. People, faith, relationships help build you, aim you toward discoveries. But I am convinced that these discoveries would be made one way or another. You are who you are meant to become. I know that sounds selfish and that is not my intent. Of course I love those relationships, of course I adore my people and they have given me everything, shaped every smile and quirk and tear and wrinkle. And I owe them for it, but I think we may have been meant to become who we are anyhow. Is this faithless? Is this reminisent of a belief in pre-destiny? I don't know. All I'm completly aware of is that I am going to need only me for now. Not to say I don't need the others, I certainly do, but I don't need them in order to be me. Yep, this is the plan. Yep, this is a lie. Probably...

Reasons I am tired

Working for the weekend? I don't get one of those, it's work on the weekend
Sleep? Bah, I don't need your nightmares
Caffeine keeps me running, but it keeps the mind running too
Obligations.
Dying friendships
Dying friends
Too much fun (unrelated to the dying things)
So much to do
Homework?

I'm thinking of writing my autobiography. It would go like this:

"I'm awesome"

Dear Grape Beast

Car,
I've had you for a long time now, and I like to think I take pretty good care of you. I buy you gas, fill up your tires... Sure, I take you for some pretty long drives, but never without making sure you have all the coolant and oil your little machine heart could desire! So Car, why Car, are you dying? It seems like you're just falling apart by bits. First, the brake dust guard you decided to drag around for a week, then the two blown tires, now this? I only wanted to rent a movie, and blockbuster is too far to walk. Why wont you start? Do you like looking at the new releases posters that much? Come on baby, come on home!
love,
your driver

Chekov

This extended weekend I:

slept in my bed once
ate sushi
watched 'where the wild things are'
got my friends drunk
worked
learned a new song
worked
jumped on beds
slept it off
locomoted around a store using only the joints in my ankles
fell down the stairs
fell off the couch
watched Dexter
stole a phone
smoked cigars
drove around, windows down, heat on
made plans
broke plans
dance danced
smashed super bros
wore boots
cleaned rooms
loved friends