Time to Stop

treating my body like shit. Turns out, I like my life, I like being alive, I like my little temple here on zee earth. So that makes it time to stop:

Drinking so much (so often)
Smoking
Eating fast food so much (so often)
Staying up ridiculously late
Sleeping all day

And now it is time to start:

Working out (more often)
Investing in a wardrobe (fewer men's shirts)
Learning to cook
Eating right
Making time

Oh Dear God

I make mistakes. I say dumb things. But Dear God is there to make it all go away, right?
Right.
Sorry.

Things I don't want to do

1)Put on makeup
2)Go to work
3)Clean my car
4)Pretend to be nice
5)Stick to my budget

But I will do them because:

1)I'm husband hunting
2)I need money
3)It's kinda smelly
4)I need to win
5)I need the monies to get to LA so I can meet, seduce, and marry Paul Rudd

Mi mi mi mind

I've been doing a lot of sitting on the balcony and thinking today. It's so so nice out. No humidity for once this summer. So, I've been sitting and thinking and writing and napping. All good things. My head is getting a littler clearer for it, and my heart a little lighter.
I try to keep things pretty surface over here at Special Homecoming Outlaws, I need some lightness in my world of words, so I'll try not to go into too much right now.
But
Sitting in the sun and thinking about the coincidences in the past couple of days in my life has really, really, I don't know, given me something. I'm not sure what this is. Good, I think, but unusual. I've made some pretty shoddy decisions lately, and said some pretty stupid things, which I regret. In the moments that they're are said or done, it doesn't seem to matter, like it's some alternative world and I will in no way be held responsible for my actions. My words.
Which is a shame because it's a lie. And a waste of perfectly good words. As Hope would say, 'it's like the words are dying...' oh emo.

I really am getting better. The cold jealousy that starts in your belly and runs to your heart, that's going away. I'm feeling much less like a gutted fish when I look at you. My face no longer burns with what I want to say and my heart has stopped skipping when you walk into the room.

I know now that I love him, but no more than I've ever loved the others. And while that could be quite a bit,

it's not.

Summer Skin

I cannot keep my skin from peeling off. That's how I know my summer is going well. Usually, I'm pale as sin and don't get sun at all. Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's my norm. But but but, this summer, I've been getting out and about a lot. Float trip, pool-side time, balcony writing. Good things, good things.
However, I look like a lizard person and it's not cute.
Such is the price.

Frozen Custard and Death

what a lovely combination. I guess this happened yesterday, but little sleep gets me confused on my dates sometimes. I went to Andy's on a whim with my roommate. You may know him, Cole Bryant? Anyway, he's alright I guess.

So, we went to Andy's and I got complimented on my dress. That was nice.

We spent most of our time eating aforementioned custard and talking about death. I'm sure this conversation was sparked by the fesitval that was M.Jackson's memorial service. I decided that I want to be cremated. This is something I've mentioned before, but I really got to thinking about it. I'm an organ donor already, (but I'd like to keep my skin and eyes, thank you very much. I know I wont need them when you burn up my body, but it's just that I really don't want someone buffalo-billing me alright?). But, after that, what to do? I don't really wanna become something else someone has to dust once a week. And, urns are expensive. So I guess just plant a tree or something and mix me into the dirt. Ah, to become fertilizer...
Yeah, do that. Anyone who happens to read this, if I die soon have me cremated and plant a tree in me. In a graveyard though, cause I don't want to get cut down or have some stupid kid fall out of my future branches. Dumb kids, always climbing dead people trees.