canvas

Tonight I missed out on having a fun time with my friends. This is regrettable. I am sorry because I do now think that every moment with these people is a HUGE gift, and I'm sorry, I just wasn't in the mood to open presents tongiht. So, I came home and painted instead. There's more pigment on the floor and my hands than on the canvas, but all in all I think it was a success. So far, s'not done. But I feel better for getting whatever it was out.

I know friends want to be there for eachother. I know that I would do anything ANYTHING for my friends, but sometimes I just don't want to be like this around them. I mean, I'd rather not feel this way at all, so I try to limit other people's exposure to my moodiness. I take comfort in the sentiment, but I don't want to take advantage. Square? Golden.

and for no apparent reason:

"I cannot wake up in the morning without you on my mind. So, you're gone and I'm haunted and I'll bet that you are just fine. Do I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?...I'm trying not to think about you, can't you just let me be? Should have known you'd bring me heartache."