Anarchy in the U.K

(or: Class Wars cont.)

I'm not a partcularly political person. I try to be informed, I take a certain pride in being on top of current events, and I know my rights. It doesn't take a leftist radical to recognize the crash-and-burn conditions our government is wading through. At least it shouldn't.

The U.S is in the midst of one the largest economic collapses in history. Our current war(s) in the Middle East are costing us upwards of $800 million dollars a day ($720 million/day in Iraq alone in 2007. 1). An act that went into effect in July '10 gave an additional $1.12 trillion for military operations (2). Education costs keep rising. The citizen's main military focus is 'Don't ask Don't tell' and whether our gays can openly serve in a war with plummeting approval rates.

No one is doing anything.

No one seems to care.

No one seems to notice.

This week in London, multiple student protests turned to violent rioting. The protests, meant to showcase disapproval of Parliment passing a tuition hike (the bill gives universities the option to triple current prices while removing the National allowance for underprivaledged students). (3).

Students gathered for peaceful marches and were met by riot police wielding batons and shields. Eventually, as groups were pushed into smaller quarters (a military manuver called 'kettling'), demonstraters fought back, rushing the line, tossing sticks, bottles, paintballs, and pieces of concrete.

Mounted police in full riot gear charged thier horses into the crowds, driving students back, crushing and trampling others. A student journalist was thrown from his wheelchair by officers and dragged across the streets (4).

In some cases the violence was more than likely provoked by student instigators. In other reports, the officers threw the first stone, as it were.




Where's this blow meant to land?



Oh, right:


(50,000 marchers in Westminster, reported 32 arrests, 17 injuries including 4 officers, one student was admitted to the hospital with brain damage after being "struck repeatedly with a police truncheon" 5).

My point being,
there was this much outrage, display, and passion about a proposed hike in the cost of learning, and yet our country, our youth, do nothing about any of the controversy in the U.S.

I'm embarrassed for and by my generation.

I'm not suggesting we storm the White House or light the Rockefeller tree on fire, but we've got to do something. We have no passion, and we have plenty to be angry about. So why don't we take action? Why don't we do anything? Are we really that busy? Or do you just have that much faith in our government? I hope not.

http://www.moveon.org/

1)Washington Post
2)Congressional Research Service (www.fas.org/sgp/crs/natsec/rl33110.pdf)
3) New York Times
4)Life on Wheels
5) BBC news

photos: boston.com/bigpicture/2010/12/london_tuition_fee_protest.html

*BBBRRRRROMM*

There is a picture of me with a cake in this picture of me with a cake AND I'm eating cake right now. I'm on the snow level!

I have got to get out of here, get going, get moving, do something. Restlessness is setting in again (posing as fatigue). I want to be around people again. People my age, people I like. I need to get my hands dirty (figuratively). The theory of learning by solitude is great. However, its practice is trying.

What begins as a simple itch, a longing
soon turns to me and offers
another
drink. Which, with shaking hand,
I accept.
There is only one way to delay
this disease but I can't swallow anymore
of the lies I'm telling
or the pills I'm taking.

They begin to stick in my throat
and bleed through my skin.
My unherded thoughts rip
through the pores of my scalp
itching like lice.

The panic rises and readys to take the controls.
Hands flutter and smooth poison skin.
These clothes are too heavy
it's too hot
skin flares and burns and cannot be soothed.
My hands fly across my body
trying to keep everything inside
where it belongs.

My hair is falling out.
My nails are rotting in their beds.
Gums race back from teeth
making a mouth like slack-jawed roadkill.

If you could see this feeling;
dark ink suspended in the air around me,
like blood dropped in water;
a smokers haze,
a cancer patients death smell.

I can't hold my breath long enough
to dive under
and so my mind sets off alarms,
the traps I set for myself
-spring-
one by one and all at once

and I've forgotten the safety net.

Don't be afraid,
she whispers perfectly into my ear.
Her tear-sticky cheek is pressed to mine and
I can feel her lips painting their color
onto my overstretched lobes.

I wish I could say I don't know what she's talking about. "This girl is clearly insane." I'll later say to my companions, a half raised glass masking my words. That, like much of what I say, will be a lie. I try to think back to when I first encountered the crazy-not-crazy girl, and find that I cannot. It seems she's always been there, hovering on the borderland of my memories.

Fuck It

I'm not throwing in the towel, I'm using it to wipe the sweat from my face as I face down reality, uncertainty, lonliness and desperation. There ain't no point in turnin' round now. It is what it is and it's always gonna be that way.
so
keep on pacin'. One more step 'cause even with 3 back for 1 forward, a little progress is made.
Heel/toe
Heal/tow
Heel/toe

Starving Artist

I don't think I've ever been as poor as I am right now.
I've got student loans rolling in (anyone know how to delay those?)
I can't drive.
Pubic transit doesn't run reliably enough to get me to a different set every day.
If every mile I walked today was worth one hundred dollars, I out-paced my bank account.
A collection of people owe me more than double the contents of said account. (Shows me how trusting to be. What a pricey lesson).
I don't know how I'm gonna make it through the new year.
I don't know if I'm gonna make it here.

Lucky enough

There is strength in knowing who you are, even if it isn't who you planned on becoming.

We are lucky enough to know
not who we need to be,
but what we really are.

Monsters.

Fuck.My.Life

'Can things continue to fall apart, please? Because that's really what I would like to happen.'

She said with sarcasim.

I'm friends w. boys

they do bad things.

Dear Dad,

There really isn't much left. I feel I lost everything.

Captain's Log

Stardate: today.
I'm not motivated/nerdy enough to keep up the trekky thing right now, so that's enough of that.
I had an audition today, it was for an agent. Hopefully that pans out because agents=jobs (or so I'm told) and jobs=money. Which is something I could use some of right about now.
I'm half changed out of my audition clothes but too lazy (again) to finish changing, so I only took off the jeans. The jeans I spent 25 minutes (approx) digging out of the back seat of my car today. You see, my life has been repacked into several cars and a storage unit in hopes of moving them to a home/final destination next week. This would be ideal. But, I digress.
These are not your average jeans. These are skinny jeans. Which I suppose does make them sort of-average. Now-a-days. Damn.
Anyway, I grew or they shrunk (and I'm going with 'they shrunk') so removing them was quite a feat. (I was going to go with 'getting them off' there, but couldn't type it without laughing. There you go, I'm 10).
These are the kind of jeans you peel off at the end of your outing, totally unsuitable for everyday, or even long term, use. You either peel them off your legs like sausage casings or hope to be involved in a cocaine fueled car wreck so the paramedics can just cut them off of you at the end of the night. If they can get the scissors past the ankle zippers.
Now I'm in gym shorts and I think the audition went well.

Michael Chiklis and other adventures

Ahhh! I suck so bad at updating this thing! Sorry kids, I know you've been holding your collective breaths for a new special homecoming outlaws post. So, I'll throw you a bone, here it is:

If you want a general update, see the note on FB.

I think I may have more actors to add to the "I really really wanna be friends with you" list. Michael Chiklis (Fantastic Four, The Shield) and Romany Malco (Baby Mama, Weeds, 40 Year Old Virgin).
They are on the new show 'No Ordinary Family' and so am I! (granted, we do very different jobs, ie: they get to talk and I mostly walk in circles). Anyway, yesterday we filmed a super formal wedding scene and Mr.'s Chiklis and Malco were there. I was in several scenes standing/dancing next to them, and they were so so nice. Malco kept making jokes and complementing me on my hair and tattoos. I had a full-blown conversation with the two of them about my Morrison tat and The Doors and writing. Malco said I 'must have balls' for going with short hair in LA, and he 'admires that. It's hot'. I danced with him.

Awe-some. Truely.

Chiklis gave me and my fake boyfriend (Yoshi. Really) camera acting tips and some acting lessons in general during our breaks.

I know this may not seem like too big a deal, but this is the first time I've been onset and had actors treat us extras like we were people, not just moving props that get in the way. It was encouraging. I can't wait to go back to work!!

Little King

I would gladly sit on the phone and talk you through this. I'd sit there all night, out in the hallway so my roommates can sleep. This apartment is built like a hotel, all the doors pointing inward to central hallways, nothing opens up to the outside. But I'd sit on the stained and dingy carpet and tolerate the stares of yappy dogs being taken out for late night walks, if it made you feel better.
You'd do the same for me, and have.
It hurts to know you're so far away and that you should be in bed, sleeping it off, not still up talking about tombstone faces. You should be asleep, not on the verge of quiet tears because while 1 am isn't late for me, I always know the time back home.
You sound like nothing so much as a scared child and you bring to mind pictures of a lost pup and I wanna hold on to you so nothing bad can happen and nothing else can scare you because who are you to be so afraid of death? I should be the worst thing that crosses your mind.
And I'm stunned at how these things have changed. My concern for you is less of a lovers worry, becoming something stunningly more maternal. And I think I wanna care for you, rather than about you, because it's easy, though your thoughts become increasingly more complex and dark. And I hope that's not my fault. And I know that's cutting myself too much credit. But, you're drunk and you're afraid of death and 'the storms' and of ending up alone, but you should know that that's not possible. People like you don't end up alone, not on the outside anyway.
You talked about how you feel like a dead animal. How your mouth hangs open like a roadkill carcass, teeth exposed and gums inching back into your head. Such beautifully vulgar imagery I'd like to steal and call my own. But through the darkness of your unintentioned poetry I imagine I can hear tears sliding down your summer reddened skin and I picture the two of us as we are now, sepearte hearts and lives, a love of special friendship. I picture us in your darkened room, I sit on your bed and you kneel on the floor, head resting on my knees. And your mouth may hang open like an opossum or dead coyote but I smooth back your hair and you remember where you are and what future you belong to.

I will put pics up on facebook as soon as I can. I'm still waiting for my bed to get here (never use uhaul to ship, they suck soooo much). So far the only things on my walls are paintings my friends made me, picutres of you, and my Jim poster. Fan-tastic.

Since my place is empty and sad, I've been spending nights with 'The Jasons'. Evans and Goff, as we call them. Andy and Hamill live here too, so there are 5 of us in a 2 bedroom apartment. For those of you who may not have an idea of what that looks like, Hamill has his own room because he cheers for the Brewers. Evans lives in the living/dining/kitchen area. Andy sleeps on a mattress on the floor in the second bedroom. Jason and I bunk there too. I'm glad he has a big bed and is willing to share, but I need my own space and feel just awful that I'm intruding on thiers. So generous of them to share though.

That's pretty much it for now.

haha, sorry

Wow,
I really sucked at keeping up on that. Sorry. Denver was nice to drive through/out. Probably because everyone was high or something. (Like, it's totes legal there). Driving through the mountains was rough though, my poor little car was all loaded down and couldn't really pull up the hills. I was in the slow lane with all the semi-trucks. It was awesome. Going downhill was pretty crazy, I always felt like I was gonna fly out of control and have to use one of the emergency truck ramps. I want to see one of those being used at some point btw.

After that was desert. Lots of desert. Utah got a little scary, every time I left a town there were signs telling me that there wouldn't be any more food or petrol for the next 200 miles or so. That was kind of terrifying. I decided to take my time though, and pulled over a lot at look out stations to take pictures of canyons and Red Dead Redemption style territory.

The hotel in St. George sucked so much. It was scary and dark and had the worst decor I'd ever seen. BUT I did see my first In 'n out burger joint there, so I was reassured that I was getting close.

I didn't stop in Vegas because I would still be in Vegas.

Then I got to my new home.

Live from Denver:

or rather, from Aurora, CO.

As I type this I am sitting in my sweet hotel room by myself (of course). I got a pretty nice free upgrade from the 'lonely single traveler' room to the 'couple's suite' because they got my reservation wrong. That's right, I can make reservations at hotels when I travel, I'm an adult! (So what if my sister did it for me?) Anyway, I'm in the business nook part of the room, though I'd rather be in the freak-huge/awesome-soft CALIFORNIA KING bed.

I'm sitting here, enjoying this, listening to music, (guess who?) and all I can really think about is how much I'm going to miss everyone. Yes, I may be sipping wine out of the little styrofoam hotel cup, but I'm still on glass one so what I say can't be discounted. Yet.

I spent the last couple of days with family and familyesque people in KC/Holt, before that I was w. the kids in Springtown. Don't get me wrong, I don't miss any of those places, but I guess I never really thought about how much I liked you kids until I drove 800 miles away from you. In all truth, I am quite fond of you. That won't change.

As I sit here, about a third of the way thru my voyage, I find that I'm not afraid of leaving, of going somewhere unfamiliar and "growing up" (those of you I'm texting tonight will agrue on the grown up part, I'm sure), but I am afraid of losing touch.

Michael W said today that he was unsure of how much contact to keep with me when I'm gone. Like he'd be interrupting my new life or something.

I say it now, none of you will be interrupting a 'new life'. My friends are my life, now and always, all of you.

On a more boring note, Kansas is the worst state to drive through. Ever. I may change my mind when I hit the desert in Utah, but I like the desert. I may pull over and take it all in. And get bitten by a snake and die or something. Awesome. In which case, Cole can have my "gay" car.

The LA Report

I'm moving there as soon as I can.

i will

This is a silly exercise and it makes me feel dumb.

road block

I'm sitting here, in my broken chair and I'm trying to think of something to write. I am at a block. I have no idea what to say, or how to say it. Joyce is gonna be pissed if I keeep not turning anything in, but all I wanna do is watch LOST until I get to go to dinner. I have no motivation.

On the topic of LOST, I have ever told you how much I love Richard Alpert? Those that I watch with know that he has been in my T5 for a long time now. He's been my favorite 'Other' since his introduction. This week's episode, his backstory, wow. Not ashamed to admit that it made me tear up a little. Okay, so cry. Piss off, it was touching.

Wow, this is not my homework.

@JTeli

I did it. I gave in. I know I have an awful phone so it really doesn't make much sense, but I got a twitter account. And I like it.

Durk Sided

Was last night a full moon? People's behavior makes me think it may have been.
Work.
I was there. 8-3, but what with the time change it was 8-4, then home by 5. Ouch.
'how could it have possibly taken so long to close the bar?' you may be asking. Let me paint you a picture of the night. 3 large birthday parties, saturday night, lots of shot specials. Some hippie guy with dreads knocked over a table before 11, breaking glass and spilling beer. He left. I cut my finger open on said broken glass. Okay, okay, not so bad. People were just being super rude all night and way too touchy and just overall grossing me out. I had a party of 25 people, there for a birthday, half paying in cash, half on cards, they were mean, I was nicer than I ever am. At the end of the night, the birthday husband closed out his tab, totalling 74 dollars. No tip. Zero. My manager talked to him to see if I did something wrong ( I didn't) so he threw a couple of bucks my way. 8 of them. Yep. The rest of the party didn't tip either. "We'll leave cash on the table." Okay, great, thanks guys, have a good night!
The cash tip? 2million dollars! Oh no, you read that right, 2 million dollar tip! Too bad it was monopoly money. So yeah, I made maybe 15 bucks off of them.
Then we (the barstaff) get to clean up. James (the dj) handed me a shovel and a mop and walked away.
'what's this for?'
'men's room'
.....
Yep. someone had drunkenly shat all over the toilet. and the floor. and the walls. and proceeded to shove half a roll of toilet paper down the thing. Not a strong enough image for you? Try this, have you seen Trainspotting? You know when Ewan McGregor dives in? That bathroom had nothing on this.

So, after a stiff drink, some bleach, rubber gloves, mop, towels, rags, a shovel, bucket and improvised bandit masks, Julia and I took care of it. (there are pictures somewhere)

I have never swallowed so much vomit in my life, but I can guarantee that the men's room at the Mix is the cleanest it has ever been.

brain fire

Sometimes I wish I had a Twitter account so that I could update it all the time. I think I'm pretty clever.
Sometimes I have to remind people that I am so clever.
I wonder why they keep forgettting?
Lame.
I just watched 'chronicles of narnia' live on jimmy fallon and I'll bet the extras in that video are tweeting about it.
IE: "andy sandberg just spilled my popcorn!!"
That's what I'd say.
My hair is not long, but my hair is not short.
I have a need for the truth.
I don't like Dr. Phil.
I do like Craig Ferguson.

I've been contemplating being famous lately, I think that'd be nice.
Sushi would also be nice right now. Yum yum.
There is a food place in springtown called 'yum yum bowl', I don't think I'd like to eat there.
Jimmy Kimmel is someone I am a fan of.
I don't really want to go to work today, but I have to. I need some money.
Work is fun, but...
Here are some things:
My name is not a whistle, or a snap of the fingers, or tapping on an empty glass/bottle.
The length of my skirt is up to me to decide, don't touch it.
Don't touch me.

Sometimes I think I should be on a reality show of some sort, we all should.
My friends are funny, attractive, talented and interesting.
The hamster cage is starting to smell.

Dear computer virus,

Fuck You.

with all my heart,
Jessica

What's the name of this place?

Here are some things I want:

To continue sitting in this chair until LOST
To watch LOST
T-bell (rice no beef)
Keep listening to this good music
To write something and title it "This Good Music"
My arm to heal
More money
My movies to be re-alphabetized
Inspiration
Courage
Dinner.


(An Aside)

Things I have to do:

Finish my play outline
Shower
Clean
Exercise
Meet deadlines
All my other homework

canvas

Tonight I missed out on having a fun time with my friends. This is regrettable. I am sorry because I do now think that every moment with these people is a HUGE gift, and I'm sorry, I just wasn't in the mood to open presents tongiht. So, I came home and painted instead. There's more pigment on the floor and my hands than on the canvas, but all in all I think it was a success. So far, s'not done. But I feel better for getting whatever it was out.

I know friends want to be there for eachother. I know that I would do anything ANYTHING for my friends, but sometimes I just don't want to be like this around them. I mean, I'd rather not feel this way at all, so I try to limit other people's exposure to my moodiness. I take comfort in the sentiment, but I don't want to take advantage. Square? Golden.

and for no apparent reason:

"I cannot wake up in the morning without you on my mind. So, you're gone and I'm haunted and I'll bet that you are just fine. Do I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?...I'm trying not to think about you, can't you just let me be? Should have known you'd bring me heartache."

Petition the Lord with Prayer

You really have to hear it 'live' for it to be any good.
Am I really doing this again? I'm doing this again. Awe-some.
I don't think anyone comoletely grasps the power of that word. Awesome. Have I ever really been in awe of something or someone? I think so. Take a guess at what/who. If you know me at all, AT ALL, you know the answer. 'Show me the way to the next whiskey bar, oh, don't ask why, oh, don't ask why. If we don't find the way to the next whiskey bar, I tell you we must die. I tell you we must die.' If you can't place it, you fail.
I'm doing this again?
I now must say goodbye.

Scream with me now,
scream my love,
my love
let the notes swell from your throat,
the noise escape your lungs
Scream w. me now my loves
my boy
my girl
scream to the sky
you dont need to understand
dont pretend to understand
we are dogs
creatures biting
at sister earth's ankles
rope her in
tie her down
scream for generations
howl for blood
scream w. me now
w. me now
w. me now
howl howl howl
w. me now.

They're here to protect you

"If you think I am capable to doing something that terrible to someone I love, imagine what I'm capable of doing to you."

Monogram

Monograms on my towels.
These are not my initails.
Who is this, in my home
stealing from my lowly throne?

These things are mine
These toys in line
Marching onward, ho!
Keys in backs powered not by springs
but wine,
heavy fruit laden vine
wraps like infant snake
covering my ineptitude.
Onward, ho!

Monkeys banging cymbals
hop west
leaving craters with their footsteps,
making me crawl behind the giants
while the snake grows teeth in place of gums

All I'm asking is to be true
when i stop,
quit, loving you.
'Cause when we got old
You got saved
and i?
-i just got cold

There Will Be Blood

...watch it immediately. Then come discuss pretentious filmmaking qualities with me.

"I have a competition in me. I want no one else to succeed. I hate most people....There are times when I look at people and I see nothing worth liking. I want to earn enough money that I can get away from everyone....I see the worst in people. I don't need to look past seeing them to get all I need. I've built my hatreds up over the years little by little...I can't keep doing this on my own with these-people. (laugh)."

Snot

I think I am more susceptible to certain people's germs than I am to others. I grew up as a really sickly kid, but have gotten a lot better since then. I still catch colds more often than most people, but I'm no where near as weak as I was as a child. BUT I have noticed that when some of my friends get sick, I will catch it. Doesn't matter what it is. I'm pretty sure that if Landon or Michael had the chicken pox, I would get it too, even though I've had it before. It's not even really a matter of who I spend the most time with, I mean, Ferranto had mono and I spent a lot of time around him, didn't catch it. Darian gets sick and I don't. Same with Sweets. She had shingles and I was her scene partner. No way I shouldn't have gotten it.
I wonder why my body lets in some people's germs and not others. Not that I want everyone's germs, I'd rather not have any, but still. It is a curiosity.

Section One

I feel a fight brewing in these bones. General restlessness and all, I suppose.
Let me try this again.

nevermind

Theft

I stole the idea of a 'double puberty' from Dana.
She just wrote about it and you should read it, it isn't nearly as gross as it sounds, more just an interesting idea. Second puberty being how your body changes into something ready for adult life and child bearing and stuff. Post 'settling down' type stuff.
Pear shaped body and child bearing hips type stuff.

There's nothing wrong with pear shaped. Not at all. A dress size ten is certainly not shameful. These things are adult and shapely and curvy and sexual in a way that I'm not, never have been, and am not ready to be. There's not a single thing wrong with it, I'm just not prepared for what it represents.
I don't want to grow up, I don't want to get old. I feel like I have so much more to do for myself, selfishly, before I can 'settle down', bulk up, learn to cook, and re-produce.
This 'second puberty' represents something beautiful and lovely and life-changing, but I'm a baby...